I began my morning walking into the dentist’s office. Now, I recognize for many people, just this action is a stress trigger. I am not one of those people. For me, the dentist’s office is associated with warm memories. This is because my dad was a dentist. As a child, going to the dentist’s office meant I got to see my dad. I was totally comfortable there. My dad was one of those dentists with exceptional bedside manner and a very gentle approach. He made you feel at ease and safe in the chair.

That said, having people poke and prod at your teeth and gums is not always warm and fuzzy. I mean, there are lots of nerve endings there, nerve endings that the hygienist cannot feel. So, it’s going to have its moments of discomfort.

While I sat looking up into the bright light shining in my eyes, I noticed tension building in my muscles. It was like the tension you feel when watching a movie when things are about to get crazy-go-nuts. On noticing this, I consciously took a moment to breathe and relax my muscles. I could immediately feel myself settle calmly back into the chair. I reminded myself that I was safe and that any discomfort I might feel would be temporary.

It was a simple experience. I’ve done it dozens of times. However, this morning, I reflected on my process in the dental chair more deeply than normal. I realized how crucial mindfulness (self-awareness) and intentional self-cueing are to developing higher levels of resilience in our lives.

I followed this experience by doing a Wim Hof breathing exercise when I arrived at work. It is a simple exercise of oxygenating the body and then mindfully holding the breath after exhaling. I did four rounds, and with each successive breath hold, I was able to hold my breath longer before feeling discomfort. On the fourth round, I was able to hold my breath for three and a half minutes with relative ease!

It was incredible. That was the longest I had ever held my breath. What was interesting is that I noticed a similar process in my mindful breath-holding as I did while in the dentist’s chair. I became very aware of the sensations of my body but chose to relax and not judge the experience as negative. In fact, in both situations, the conscious relaxing of my body was quite pleasant.

I also noticed that my thoughts about the experience played a major role in my success. When I focused on the fact that I was holding my breath, doing so became more difficult. When I focused on relaxing my body, feeling my heartbeat, and slowing it down, it became almost effortless. My self-talk was pleasant and optimistic. Together, these strategies increased my capability.

How Can We Increase Our Resilience?

Our culture is training us to be less resilient. For example, how many seconds of boredom can you handle before you pull out your phone and start browsing? We are moving towards finding ways to avoid any level of discomfort. This is particularly scary as we watch skyrocketing levels of depression and anxiety in the younger generations. It is an epidemic to rival COVID’s pernicious attack.

So what can we do? How do we become the resilient people that change the tide of the mental health tsunami taking over the world?

The Body, Mind, Spirit Approach

It begins with an understanding of a three-fold approach to addressing discomfort and distress. I call it the Body-Mind-Spirit Approach.

As you look at the Venn Diagram above, you can see how each component interacts with the other. When I am treating Trauma or Anxiety disorders, I keep this image clearly in my mind. It doesn’t work to only address one element and forget the others. They are interlocked. They affect each other. 

So, for instance, if I am teaching cognitive skills to address the unhealthy thinking patterns of a patient’s Mind, and I am not aware of how their Body is sending them a barrage of danger signals, they will quickly become frustrated at how ineffective my strategies are. The awareness of each circle must work in concert to effectively and powerfully change the experience and trajectory of the person’s mental health. 

This is the approach we must take in increasing our own Resilience. We need to develop skills and strategies in each area in order for us to have lasting change. As can be seen in my experience at the dentist and holding my breath, I was attending to both my Mind and Body. Doing so brought me a level of calm in some mildly distressing moments.

The Spirit is where we address our higher meaning and purpose–our WHY. Without this, our experiences become meaningless. In the dentist’s chair, my Spirit, or purpose, was to have good dental hygiene to prevent potentially bigger problems. My breathing exercise purpose was to begin my workday with mindful meditation to clear my head so I could be effective, focused, and productive. Each of these purposes drove me forward in the experience. It gave me a reason to do it in the first place.

An Invitation

When we learn to purposefully incorporate healthy strategies and habits in each of these areas in our life, we develop the ability to overcome any challenge or accomplish any goal. Nothing can knock us down for long enough to deter us from our purpose. We live resiliently. We inspire resilience in those around us. We find peace and calm during the storms of life.

In future posts, I will address what some of these strategies and habits might be, how to practice them and make them a proactive, purposeful part of your daily life. Subscribe to get updated when those posts are available.

I challenge you to set some personal goals regarding your own resilience for this year. How would you like to respond to challenges? What weaknesses would you like to overcome? How will you be stronger by the end of the year?

Write this down. We can develop the skills of resilience together.